the baleful primal

It all began for me with a little video game about space and humans.

I picked up Mass Effect when it was first released in 2007, blissfully unaware at the time that I was about to sell my whole-ass soul to this fictional world. Friends, this game series reached right into my chest to simultaneously snatch my heart and shake me straight to my foundations. If you’re unfamiliar with it, here’s the Wiki, but the TL;DR is that Mass Effect is a military sci-fi/space opera that plunges into the depths and nuances of humankind: how we define ourselves among one another, as well as among the stars. It covers such a vast spectrum of experiences and relationships, such as platonic, unrequited, romantic, committed, and familial, as well as self-discovery, self-preservation, military trauma, found family, and mental health issues. You play as Commander Shepard (female or male), a rising soldier within Earth’s Systems Alliance ranks, throughout the whole series.

As an understatement, to say the very least, I was enamoured from the first few notes of the opening music. It started very strong: drama, romance, adventure, the real possibility of death, and choices that had butterfly effects. These elements were some of the key things I looked for in both games and the arts, and ME checked all of my boxes, especially the one that opened my eyes a bit more to my (eventual) realisation that I was bisexual, while still being in a safe space. I won’t go into any detail about all the story-lines and plot twists because this post will end up being a novella, but the gist of it is you and your crew have to save the Milky Way from total annihilation, while just about everyone in said Milky Way calls you crazy. Helluva beginning.

Shepard was the first person I thought of when I saw The Elpis Letters‘ special prompt list that included writing a letter to a ficitional character. My Shepard, named Vala (shorthand for Valhalla), has grown alongside me: she was there when my school friends weren’t being friends. She was there when I needed to vent frustrations after a lame day at work. And she was there when I really needed a reminder that humans weren’t all so bad. And if, by chance, there are any fellow Shakarians reading this, she also taught me what a healthy relationship looks like. Nowadays, Vala and her space-boyfriend are just one of my happy places, where I can sink into their world for a bit while curating playlists, writing fanfics, or creating fan artwork.

Besides the fact that their prompt snatched me by my eyelids, The Elpis Letters gave me big acceptance vibes, and I’m not talking about their submissions rates. I’m talking about whatever your passion is: hiking, history, art, or gaming, they welcome you to share your experience in a way that is so personal to you. It is my humble opinion that letter writing is an art form that’s slowly dying out, but it’s something that should be preserved. Writing a letter requires thinking about what you’re going to say before you say it, exploring the words that will properly convey your meaning without ever hearing that person’s voice. Some of the most beautiful (and poignant) artefacts history has left with us have been letters, correspondence that lets us peek into windows of time that can’t ever be opened again. A letter can give closure, grant amnesty, and garner love, or it can tear friendships apart, sunder a sunny day, or shatter hopes and dreams. A letter, in an of itself, is a form of poetry that should never be forgotten, and always honoured.

Writing to Vala was cathartic. When I usually write, it’s about my characters and their doings – I’m telling their story to the reader in a way that will captivate them. Writing to a character was different and much more intimate, more a love letter than anything else. I recounted all the tears shed and the laughter shared while I wrote, and in those moments, Vala may have just been real enough.

Kayla and The Elpis Letters gave me a platform to share a heartfelt message for someone I hold close to my heart, though it may be virtual, and in doing so, gave me another tool to express myself in a way I hadn’t tried before. What a journey it has been. 🌙

The Elpis Letters on Twitter, Kayla King’s Twitter, and Kayla’s website.

You can find my piece “These Are Our Stars”, as well as many others, in THE ELPIS LETTERS, coming June 2023!