Seren J.H. Wolfe

“Nobody ever fell in love without being a little brave.”

 – Commander Shepard

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SSV Normandy SR-2: Captain’s Quarters

Garrus didn’t think he’d ever have a “moment” again, but company sounded better than being miserable alone. Reaching towards the desk, he pressed one button, then two.

“It’s open!” He called out.

The door retracted to reveal Tali, along with Liara, Kaidan, Joker, Dr. Karin Chakwas, Ashley, and, surprisingly, Javik. Garrus raised an eyebrow at Tali.

“I hope this isn’t an intervention, nothing can save me,” he said, half-jokingly. The doctor was eyeing the injuries Garrus hadn’t gone to get checked yet, but to his relief, she didn’t comment on them.

“We all got the Admiral’s message, and we wanted you to know that we agree with and support his decision,” Tali replied softly, glancing over her shoulder at the team. “Could we come in?”

Garrus nodded, retreating to the edge of the bed as his friends took up spots around the room: Tali perched on the coffee table beside the unfinished chess game, Kaidan sat down beside Garrus on the bed, while Karin, Ashley, Joker, and Liara got comfortable on the couch. Javik stayed standing, leaning against the wall with his arms folded. Garrus gave them all a once over — they were as exhausted as he was.

He rested his elbows on his knees, eyes sore and spine stiff. “I appreciate the vote of confidence everyone,” Garrus said, “but did this warrant a face-to-face?”

“We’re worried about you, big guy,” Kaidan spoke up first, brow knit. “Losing the Commander, it’s…” he tried to find the words, at a loss.

A rumble of thoughts attempted to march across Garrus’ tongue, more pronounced than before, and he nearly but down on it from the spike of anxiety that flooded him again.

“It’s like I’ve been spaced,” he finally muttered, low and cold. “Floating with no oxygen, nowhere to land or be safe, just a… a vast emptiness. And there’s not a damn thing I can do to save her, Kaidan.”

Reaching into the closest nightstand, Garrus pulled out two bottles – a turian brandy and a human whisky – and gave the whisky to Kaidan. The biotic raised the bottle solemnly.

“To Shepard.”

Those who could each took a turn with the whisky while Garrus laid into his, finishing half the bottle before the whisky was set down on the table. The atmosphere changed then, from brooding and shared grief to one that reminded Garrus of the moments before a close quarters ambush.

“There’s something else we wanted to run by you, if you’re up for hearing it, of course,” Kaidan said, glancing at Tali, “everything feels like a lot right now.”

“Uh, sure I guess… what’s wrong?” Garrus asked, his heart pounding and unsure why.

“Forgive me, I don’t know how else to say this without being blunt, but we, um – well, we want to go back and look for Shepard,” Tali said quickly, laying their meaning at the turian’s feet. “And since you’re the captain now…”

Tremors ripples through Garrus’ body, down to the marrow of his bones. He couldn’t meet anyone’s gaze as the backs of his eyes burned with the threat of tears once more. He pressed a hand to his face, mandibles clicking, and someone touched his knee.

He looked up to see Liars beside Tali, rivulets of tears streaming down her cheeks silently. Kaidan nodded in encouragement, his nose and ears red.

“You want to… for what? A burial? What if there’s – what if she’s -” Garrus’ couldn’t get any of the words to form.

Javik scoffed from his spot behind the turian, and he took a few steps forward, arms still folded against a proud chest as he gazed down at Garrus with the weight of fifty thousand lost years behind it.

“We believe Shepard could still be alive.”

All eyes swiveled to the Prothean as the words fell out into the room and filled the remaining air space, but Javik ignored the stares.

“Is that not what you have been wondering, turian? That somehow the Commander still lives?” he asked flatly.

Yes.

It was the only thing Garrus could think about: that somehow, some way, Vala was still alive, clinging to life on the Crucible.

He took a swig of brandy, not breaking eye contact with Javik.

“Maybe it is.”

“Well, we all agree.”

Joker leaned back into the couch, clenching and unclenching his hands on his knees. “This isn’t a joke, Garrus. If the Commander is out there, every single one of us owes it to her to at least try and find her. It’s what EDI would’ve done,” he added, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“What kind of friends could we call ourselves if we didn’t at least try to find Shepard?” Tali spoke up, warning nods from Karin, Ashley, and Liara. “After everything she’s done for each of us? No. We have to try.”

Garrus rose to his feet without a word, taking the brandy bottle with him as he walked by Javik to the aquarium. He pressed his forehead against the cool glass of once more, the sunfish swimming by him again. In the glass’s reflection, he could see the model of the original Normandy over his shoulder, along with Vala’s N7 sweater.

It was madness. The idea, the words, their belief. Any regular crew would have just mourned and moved on. Maybe been reposted somewhere else to try and rebuild and forget the horrors they had faced. And then Garrus remembered the day he had overhead Shepard arguing vehemently over the vidcom with the Council and Alliance brass about keeping him, Talk, Liara, Wrex, and the rest of them aboard. And he remembered that the crew of the Normandy was not just any set of people. They were Shepard’s people. Her family.

Draining the last of the alcohol and wiping his mouth, Garrus turned and stood at the top of the steps to face the room.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

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